To be a fairy godmother
by JediYvette
Summary: A look into the politics of being a fairy godmother--its not all magical wands and fancy spells.


Inspired by the_ Godmother_ booksby Elizabeth Scarborough

Dedicated to Fairy Godmother's everywhere—and the people they watch over

Being a Fairy Godmother (or as some of us like to say "Female Parental Units in Proxy Deity-like Form of the land of Faery") is not as easy as some like to make it seem like. Numerous stories tell of us appearing in a white light and making innocent girls live happily ever after. Not to burst anyone's bubble, but that is a total NO! I wish it was that easy, but fairy Godmother Bureaucracy gets in the way of all that all the freaking time. But you didn't hear me say that—I don't want to anger any of my superiors. Not yet anyway…

So, anyway, there is the head godmother—a major witch at times, in my opinion, but you didn't hear me say that either. She is the one known for giving that orphaned girl the glass slippers and transforming some mice and a pumpkin into a horse drawn coach. A complete waste of magic, if you ask me—but hey, the girl lived happily ever after so I guess I can't remain bitter about that. I still think she should have used that magic to save the rainforests though, but that is just my opinion.

You may be thinking that my level is next—of course not! Just below the Head Godmother in power is her minions as us lackey godmothers call them. They are the ones that make up the Godmother Counsel and are in charge of magic distribution and godmother jurisdiction—they are the losers who assigned me to the Seattle area—YES! I AM STILL BITTER! I bet they did that on purpose, knowing how much I hate the rain.

Next in sonority are the supervisors—the people the "normal" godmothers like me report to everyday. If we ever screw up, they are the ones that inform us of our mistakes and tell us what we should be doing. Just because they have been fairy godmothers for only like 2 centuries more than us lackeys, they feel they know so much more. Freaking unfair in my opinion.

Thankfully, even us "normals" as we are called have lackeys. The Godmothers in Training are the ones that have just entered the profession of Godmother, with only between 50 and 100 years of training. They accompany "normals" on their job following (NOT STALKING! DO NOT EVER ACCUSE US OF STALKING) our assigned mortal person; learning the ropes of being a godmother while on location in the field. And if say I screw something up, I can always blame it on my trainee. :D

If say a fairy godmother feels their mortal they are watching over is in need of some magical assistance, the godmother first fill out the appropriate paper work. This is the first stage of Fairy God Mother Bureaucracy. Freaking pain it is too… This is the initial stating of the magical miracle needing to occur, why is needs to be done, how much magic it would take and good stuff like that. After the paper work is finished, the application is sent to my supervisor. She reviews it and if it gets her approval, the normal fairy godmother is granted an audience with the Godmother counsel—or as stated before, the Head Godmother's minions. Those old biddies take forever to make a decision regardless of how eloquently a normal godmother may argue her case… granted, being immortal makes up for that—a century of waiting seems only like a day—unfortunately mortals don't see it that way, and for some reason grow impatient with this waiting process. In deciding whether a magical miracle can occur, the counsel first needs to decide if there is an actual need present (saving someone's shoes from their evil brother qualifies. Buying them plaid pants or a new car does not)—if it does qualify, they then budget the magic usage from the amount of magic given by the ruler of Faery every year. If it has managed to pass and receive Godmother Guild approval, then word gets back to the normal godmother via the Internet and the miracle can occur. I still haven't heard from them on my petition to make Styrofoam biodegradable… I am very bitter about that. Anyway, at least this year, the ruler of Faery decided not to be a bastardly loser and cut the magic budget… last year just sucked because of that… Yes, of course I protested!

Because I am a member of the Fairy Godmother's and other Magic Deity Union, I am stuck going to monthly meetings in Faery. At least this way I am able to get 15% more money every paycheck, even if 10% of that has to go to union dues. I also have a contract with the Godmother Guild—they cannot fire me for 14 more centuries, and once I reach that, I am entitled to unemployment for an eternity. I also get a new car every 75 years—I currently love my lime green Volkswagen Beatle. :) And don't let the fact that its in Faery fool you. Stories make Faery seem like a beautiful, green place full of dancing unicorns and magical rainbows—in all honesty it looks a lot like Disneyland—lots of pretty stuff, but very crowded all the time and everything is over priced. Don't ever buy delivery pizza there or else you will be freaking screwed. I do get a discount at the Kentucky Fried Chicken there though. :) And so we have these meetings where the head of the union talks of demanding income increased with the rising standard of living of Faery and the many conspiracy theories circling of corruption of the in the Guild between the head godmother and her minions. And they are just figuring that out? I new they were corrupt like 700 years ago… But don't tell them I said that! PLEASE!

If I were to use magic without getting Guild approval and a magic usage permit, I could get in some serious trouble. First off, I would lose my Magic Users license for like a whole freaking 5 centuries—without pay. So, my mortal I am supposed to be watching is stuck being abandoned and I am condemned for a while with out any money for popcorn chicken. I also lose any tenure I may have—almost a millennia; no freaking way I am giving that up! And I lose my car. :( As annoying as the process is, it is better to first get that permit before conjuring up a magical miracle—I have no idea how the head godmother was able to whisk away Cinderella to the ball without the permit. I guess that is what you get when you are rich and in a powerful position—I still hope that the ruler guy of Faery finds out about it someday and revokes her title. Not that I said that or anything. Still, I wouldn't mind being head godmother; I just need 12 millenniums more experience.

So anyway, I am sorry to report that all our magical miracles are NOT guaranteed at all. If for some reason you do not live happily ever after, there is nothing you can do. And the majority of the cases do not end up like that girl with the glass shoes—for the most part, if you get an "A" on a math test you received much fortune from us—especially considering how much magic that would use up—you'd be lucky if your fairy godmother's paperwork even made it to her supervisor… We do de-frizzify hair though. :)

While being a fairy Godmother may now seem really tedious to you, I just want to say that it is not really horrid—changing lives for the better is so rewarding and you can't beat the benefits—full health, full dental and even magic wand insurance. Anyways, it was between being a fairy godmother, a witch, or an evil stepmother. There is no real contest there—witches are so annoying and evil stepmother's don't get Cheetos discounts.

So anyway, being a fairy godmother is kinda cool—just remember now next time you read a fairy tale of godmothers changing lives, it is not an easy process—a lot of time and effort is put into helping you mortals out. But believe me, I think it is worth it.

And may your Fairy Godmother be with you. :)


End file.
